Flawed

So I've been meaning to apply the craziness from my head onto paper for some time now, but with life getting in the way it makes it almost impossible. Let me stop here and back up a little bit, for those of you who do not know me. And as a bit of warning, when I get going I don't punctuate properly.


I am 24 years old, married for 6 years now and have an amazing 15 month old son. That's what everyone sees. Now on the inside behind closed doors, with the curtains drawn- I am fat (although I am working on deleting that one), married to a man who takes me for granted on a daily basis and doesn't think twice about it, and have an amazing 15 month old son who I hardly get to see because I work 10 hour days and when I get home it's time for him to go to sleep. I am miserable because my husband is a jerk and thinks it's alright, I feel like a horrible parent because my son crys when I get home from work and my mom leaves, Which stems back to being fat. My life is a viscous circle and the constant spinning is making me dizzy.

Each time I try to take control and slow down the speed of this damn merry-go-round I am on something happens and I lose my grip and simply because I tried to slow it down I seem to make it spin faster and more furious. One of these days I'm going to get so sick from all the spinning I am going to fall off and find myself landing in the dirt face first. Believe it or not this all has a tie in to the icon at the beginning of the post. I am flawed, we all are and the more we try to cover it the harder it gets to remember who we truly are. And I think I have gotten to the point where I am sick of just going through the motions of life. I want to be flawed (not fat mind you) and I want to be able to enjoy having those flaws and have someone enjoy me BECAUSE of those flaws not in spite of them.

Well that's enough rambling for one post. And more updates to the page will come over the weekend when I actually have time to sit for more then 5 minutes.

~S